Stay-at-home vs. working mamas

There have been many shows recently, highlighting parents, Moms in particular. Dr. Phil, Oprah, yada yada. Not that I was able to sit and fully watch above mentioned shows, but I did happen to catch snippets. The jist being the debate whether Moms (in particular) should stay at home during their children's formative years or hit the workforce to provide for their families--hmmm.



I am, and gratefully so, a stay-at-home Mom. In my life b.c. (before children), I worked...A LOT! In fact, I was receiving a paycheck before I was legally allowed to. Regardless, I know what it is like to work and work hard. Work ethic doesn't fade just because I no longer receive a W2 at the end of the year. I was raised to appreciate a hard day's work...and I do. But I've digressed, I am eternally appreciative for the opportunity to stay with my children during this time and I never take for granted the fact that very few women have the option.



These shows highlight the postive and negative aspects of both lives. The ability to see both sides of the coin is what has led me to write this--it seemed as though many of the women discussing the topic, were not able to be as understanding or sympathetic to the other side's point of view. Seems silly to me--maybe they purposely chose these particular women because they are so polarized in their opinions and it makes for better, more political debating. But when a stay-at-home Mom tells the working Moms that they are selfish because they "choose" to lead a life outside their house, well, I tend to cringe. And vice versa-when one of the working Mom's stated that stay-at-home Moms are lazy, dependant and have no work ethic to teach their children the "right" direction in life, well, that burns a little in the back of my throat. Excuse me, but both sides are WRONG! First off, many working Moms have no alternative but to bring home a paycheck--stay at home with the kids or feed, clothe and shelter said kids? Especially in this economy when every penny is needed to raise a family, why would anyone assume that the only reason a mother would leave her children to go and work, is to "escape" the demands of the home. Don't get me wrong, it is demanding, I just think the woman who made this statement is very jaded. I'm sure there are moms who do not want to stay at home 24 hours a day with their kids and that's why they choose to work (and I do know a few), but why is that selfish? Not every mother has the same want or need to be at home with their babies and therefore provides for them in other ways. If you know that you are going to be a lazy, non-involved, unproductive stay at home mom, yes, by all means, your talents would be better served outside the home. And I know a few Moms (and Dads) like that as well. I have too much to do to even consider the notion, but here here to the women who can pull that off and get away with it (not really, sarcasm).



I think it is very unfair to be so polarized concering this topic--we have no idea what any given family's circumstances are and who are we to judge anyhow? I do believe this particular subject is just as infuriating to people as religion or politics--my way is the only way!! That drives me crazy! Why can't people just admit that it is what works for them, not that it is the only way? A constant need to be right...so dumb and so egotistical.



I stay at home with my kids, not because I have nothing better to do...believe it or not, I do have talents outside the realm of wiping butts, balancing checkbooks and folding laundry. I stay at home because I am financially able to--and yes, we do sacrifice by being a single-income family. That may not always be the case, I will probably return to the workforce once my children are in school fulltime. But for now, I am eating up every moment I have to watch these little ones become incredible human beings. That is my job--they will be respectful, intelligent, thoughtful, creative, selfless, independent, happy, giving human beings (the goal of working Moms as well). I am raising these two people to be the best they can be for themselves, for society, for God. It is a task I do not take lightly and I am determined to do it well. So far so good, I think. :) I am left alone quite often with little to no help from my husband--not that he does not want to, but because he has to work 24 hour shifts often, days on end. I knew that much of the responsibility of caring for the homestead would be placed on my shoulders. There are times that are easier than others. But it was my choice to take on this role, and therefore, I am applying that same work ethic that I was raised with, and doing it well! Not always easy, in fact, lately I feel incredibly overwhelmed...Atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders. But that's the price I pay...and I'm happy to sign the check.



I am really hoping that one of these tv personality's does a show about those of us in the middle--those of us able to empathize and appreciate both sides of the situation. I suppose the debate factor will be minimalized, but whatever. Moms are Moms whether they are home 24 hours a day or absent 9-5, Monday through Friday. We love our kids equally. You are no less a Mom just because there is another person who has to wipe your child's rear end in the middle of the day. Moms need to stick together--stay at home and working! It's a real hard job being a mother...you are so many things/roles/people combined into one skin. Expectations are high all the time. And although we fail (often for me), we are trying our best because so much is at stake. We are molding the next generation, and I don't know about any of you...but I have a feeling they will have so many of "our" mistakes to repair and we need to send them into the World ready and willing to take on the task!



Be kind to your fellow Mommy...she does everything you do, just under a different roof!! Love to all the awesome Moms (and Dads) out there! Keep up the good work, at home and on the job. Now, my kids just got up from their naps, so its time to get off this computer and be a productive parent! :)

Arrogance breeds ignorance...

Who do you fault for ignorance? I blame those at the top-those with the power to change the game, influence the new players, disrupt the chain of evil. I am one of the free thinkers who choose to believe that everyone is capable of good-being good, doing good, etc. When you choose to perpetuate anger, evil, hatred, arrogance, entitlement...you birth something to life that has no real purpose or reason. You are not working for the common good or a higher power...you are not empowering your "people"--you create weakness whether you are aware of it or not. The rest of us see what you are...weak and angry. Angry because the rest of us are apparantly blind to your cause. Weak because your cause is worthless to anyone other than you and your pathetic attempts to erradicate anyone who does not look, think, pray, eat, drink, the same way you do. I've got news for those of you with this mentality...you are weak and powerless in the end. Your anger and dismay is only causing the rest of us, the ambitious leaders of the World to take a closer gaze at your impotent attempts to converge upon the minds of those with actual thoughts. You are not superior; you are not intelligent; Hell, you're barely human!! Get over yourselves...your time of reckoning will be upon you shortly. Man, would I love to be a fly on the wall at that meeting with God that you'll inevitably have...tisk tisk tisk!!

Multiple Soulmates...in a very non Big Love kinda way!

A friend once mentioned that it was totally corny/cliche to say you've met your soulmate or to specify your significant other as such-I thought, wow, guess she hasn't met him/her/them yet then. Never once have I questioned the existence of soulmates nor their purpose...I for one, have many soulmates and maybe my definition of them would better explain why: Kacey's soulmate(s): people who come into my life to assist my soul in its evolution. Specifically, people who make me better--better at loving, better at living, better at being human. I never imagined that I'd have to travel this journey alone, and when those times came that I felt as much, I was usually leaving my soulmates out of the picture--whether I believed it was for their own good or mine. Your soulmates are drawn to you-they feel an almost magnetic pull to your being. And seldom are we able to really escape them, despite our best efforts. :) For example, those of you who've lived the past few decades under a rock somewhere, may not be aware that I have four younger sisters. All very different people-and despite the diversity, they are all so dynamic and pronounced; wouldn't call any of them a shrinking violet, if you know what I mean. They are amazing. We are so connected to one another, its almost eery. When one of us feels pain, the others feel the suffering right along with them. We'd do anything to keep each other safe and secure. Its as if part of their life force is connected with mine. They are 4 of my soulmates...they make me think harder than I want to; be more generous than I'd think to; push me to be a better sister and auntie than I ever knew to. PS-We don't always get along, in fact, there are times we want to smack eachother, but the underlying need to be everpresent in the others lives, well that's always there.

My husband and I have known eachother since grade school. We dated for 2 years in high school and then again in our early 20s. We broke up for a couple of years to "grow up" (Matt) and "regroup" (me). Whenever we were apart, there was a longing in both of our hearts to be together. He admitted this to me years later-we'd be happily dating other people, but there was this undying desire to run out and see eachother--and although we never cheated on the others we were dating, we really felt this connection we couldn't quite rid from our hearts...trust me, I tried! We'd pass eachother on the streets, miraculously park near one another not knowing we'd be at the same place at the same time, yada yada. Then, one day, we stopped trying to avoid the feelings that we'd surpressed for years and gave in to destiny. He and I are very different creatures-Matt is not a conversationalist and manages to say everything he needs to in a 10 minute phone call home...whether he's been at work for 24 hours or 5 days. And as for myself...well, I'll chat with anyone about anything at any given time. :) We have very different political views...just call us "The Governator" and Maria Shriver. He can't wait to mow the lawn and I can't wait to read a book. We are very different...but the core values, the truest essence of who we are, well, that's exactly the same. We may "live" differently for our family, but we "live" for them all the same. I show my unwavering support and devotion to him much differently than he's capable of showing me...both ways, once I realized it, were equally endearing. Once, I told Matt that I loved him more than he could ever love me...I don't think I've ever seen him so angry-I was completely at fault and possibly more blind than I admitted. He does love me as much as I love him...he just shows me differently...I can't fault him for that...he isn't me! I'm a lover. I can't help it. :) Regardless, here we are, two very different beings, who care for one another the best we know how, hopelessly in love! And we were meant to...meant to drive eachother crazy at times-learning how to compromise and resolve ego. We're learning to quiet ourselves when what we want most is to yell our opinions in eachother's face-learning to listen. We're learning that our own personal "way" of doing things, isn't the "only" way-learning reason and understanding. We're learning to overcome judgment, overcome anger, overcome personal want for familial gain, learning to share, learning to dismiss the insignificant...always learning! Of course, there is the base that its all built upon...that need for one another...that love that wouldn't die even when we attempted to force it and has only grown stronger with time...those babies we managed to create; the closest thing to Heaven on Earth that we'll ever experience! We are so different, yet drawn to eachother so powerfully, answering eachother's unspoken thoughts, that it sometimes seems mystical. Soulmates!

My best friends also share the "soulmate" status. I do not claim to have hundreds of friends (despite what my 'Facebook' tally says)...just a few I can't live without. One, I've known for all but 2 months of my entire life...my cousin, Erika. She and I share a bond that is timeless. We love eachother very much, and again, although very different beings, share such an unspoken bond-I think of her as my 5th sister. I have so much admiration and adoration for her-my heart just knows that she was meant to be in my life...and thereafter. I have two more friends that defy everything: we are SO different. But despite those difference, we share something that so pure and beautiful...a love for one another! We truly love each other. We disagree (often). We live very different lives...one thrives amongst the corporate world; one in the civil sector; as for myself, I am just corporately civil. :) I have so much respect for them, they have no idea. Through thick and thin, we have been there for eachother...almost as if we couldn't allow the other to endure their pain alone. We don't always agree, in fact, much like sisters, we tease and taunt eachother and banter like family. We celebrate eachother's achievments and encourage one another when we fail. We make no apologies for our honest opinions but remind eachother that no matter the differences in personal thoughts, and no matter the reason behind it, we will always support the other...we have no choice. Our love for eachother has also gotten stronger and more secure...you only discover that this type of love between friends exists, when you've been faced with a few things-loss, distance and time! If you can make it through all of those things and find yourself closer than ever, well, that's the truest kind of friendship-everlasting!

As for my children, well, that goes without saying...anyone that tiny capable of making you believe in love at first sight...soulmates! I've never learned more in my entire existence as I have in the past 5 1/2 years as a mother...the best, most challenging, most satisfying job I've ever had or ever will have!

You may say, well, those aren't soulmates...they're just people who happen to be in your life that you love. And you're right-they are. But each one of them, whether its my husband, sisters, friends, cousin,children etc., have given me the greatest reason to call them something more...because they are something more...they have given me something more...they've allowed me to become something more...they always leave me wanting and needing to be more...they remind me that I will always be something more to them...always more! They were meant to be in my life for one reason or another-I am grateful for the challenges they present me, the faith they instill in me, the love that only seems to grow, the me they believe I can be before I ever realize it myself.

Thank you God for my soulmates...and I don't think its cliche at all! :)

Faith disguised...or is it?!

I've been visited by many missionaries lately. Not sure if its their message I'm supposed to hear or if its mine they are to receive? Regardless, I never miss an opportunity to spread what I feel is deep within my heart-my faith!

As I've stated many times, I am NOT a religious person. I do not attend any designated church on a weekly basis and I do not to subscribe to many of the dogmas so many cling to and expect as much from their parishoners. But, I am VERY spiritual. And there is a difference. I believe that there is one true and all-loving God. In fact, there's probably a Father...and a Mother God (and no I do not mean Mary, mother of Jesus). "Made in His own likeness...??" What about the XX carrying humans?-there are some definite differences between the two sexes. When I pray I do so to both--Father, the all-loving, all-knowing, creator of all that exists. And to Mother God, the warrior, the passionate one, the one who fights for us. About now, you're thinking, 'wow, she's whackier than I thought!' And believe me, that rationale, did not come to me overnight-the thought that there'd be a possiblity that there was a Mother and Father God. Let's just say that I do a lot of reading and consquently, a lot of research. :)

Regardless, when these missionaries, all well-meaning, attempt to better verse me in the Word of God, I noticably cringe. I've asked these visitors so many questions about "their" religion and generally, they are able to give me a straight, honest answer. We begin to chat about any other organized religion, their eyes gloss over and they are confused-one, why would I be asking a Mormon missionary about the Islamic religion and two, and this comes from my husband's mouth, why do I take the time? First, I feel like we assume certain identities because its expected of us-not that there's anything wrong with the Mormon religion, I have many wonderful friends who are. But that we are expected to believe certain things because those before us did as such. And another, I think we 'believe' out of fear-fear that if we don't subscribe to the same ideology, we are Hellbound. Unfortunately, many of us lead lives that are "safe" and familiar-not what we really want or possibly even need, but what we are satisfied with. My God, ps, He's yours too, is all-loving-He knows that we are all on a journey here in life to learn, grow, experience, and love for Him/Her. God knows that we will occasionally fail and disappoint, maybe more often than not. God knows we'll say things we don't mean and maybe say a few things just as horrible that we actually do. I do not fear God-I just want to make Him/Her proud that He/She created me, trusted in me, believed that I would be a human being who was worth creating. I believe we are all here for that very reason. What we do with the years we have here on Earth, well, that's our free will at work-we can choose to be productive, interesting, loving, balanced (up for interpretation) human beings or, we can be total dirt bags who drag down not only society, but humankind. Its all a journey and no one ever said any two paths were going to look exactly alike. I enjoy reading about all religions-I think all of them have the right idea (the God-loving ones anyhow, not you whacky Satanists)-and I think I have alot to learn from all of them. But when I say to a missionary that "the Islamic religion is one of the most loving and God-fearing religions" and they look at me like I'm crazy and interrupt with, "but they are ALL terrorists who just want to avenge their God through violence" I just shake my head and feel sadness for these poor souls. Hmmm...actually, those would be fundamentalists and as a Mormon, you should know that you have a few of those yourself! In fact, all religions do. And that's all I needed them to hear-your religion is just as susceptible to "crazies" as any other. We're all so concerned with being "right" and that drives me nuts.

I once told someone who approached me about joining their church that I would feel no closer to God under that roof than I do watching my babies sleep or running six miles around my city at dawn. God is everywhere and if you tell me the only place I can find Him/Her is under your roof, well, I've got news for you...you're the one who needs to search a little more for God; He's everywhere!! I appreciate local churches for the fellowship they provide and the likeness the congregation has-but its not the only place to find God. Generally, you don't have to look very far, just open your eyes, and there He is. Faith is what you need it to be. Faith is different for every single human being and maybe we should start accepting that. There's that common denominator...GOD, and we're all trying to get back to Him, but isn't okay that in the meantime, we just be good to one another? Isn't okay that I feel more comfortable approaching God in my backyard under a beautifully moonlit sky? It is.

Sick sick go away...

After 8 days of hacking, coughing, sneezing, snotting and not sleeping, one would assume that this illness that plagues me (maybe it is the plague) would have lessened in severity--nope! Just migrating from points of interest, wherever it wants to. I've been to urgent care 2x now (since primary physician cannot possibly squeeze me into his busy sched.). Of course two visits require two different diagnosis. First, it was declared to be a viral infection and I was given two types of meds. Well, 5 days pass and still not better, in fact, worse. So I attempt urgent care again yesterday and the dr. replies, "oh no, you don't have a viral infection, you have a very severe sinus infection and it sounds like its also moving into your chest." Duh-and can I have my $20 copay back from last week?! Two visits, $100, 3 boxes of tissue later...still feel like hammered dog poo! Here's to a night hopefully filled with sweet dreams and not hacking my brains out. :(