Arrogance breeds ignorance...

Who do you fault for ignorance? I blame those at the top-those with the power to change the game, influence the new players, disrupt the chain of evil. I am one of the free thinkers who choose to believe that everyone is capable of good-being good, doing good, etc. When you choose to perpetuate anger, evil, hatred, arrogance, entitlement...you birth something to life that has no real purpose or reason. You are not working for the common good or a higher power...you are not empowering your "people"--you create weakness whether you are aware of it or not. The rest of us see what you are...weak and angry. Angry because the rest of us are apparantly blind to your cause. Weak because your cause is worthless to anyone other than you and your pathetic attempts to erradicate anyone who does not look, think, pray, eat, drink, the same way you do. I've got news for those of you with this mentality...you are weak and powerless in the end. Your anger and dismay is only causing the rest of us, the ambitious leaders of the World to take a closer gaze at your impotent attempts to converge upon the minds of those with actual thoughts. You are not superior; you are not intelligent; Hell, you're barely human!! Get over yourselves...your time of reckoning will be upon you shortly. Man, would I love to be a fly on the wall at that meeting with God that you'll inevitably have...tisk tisk tisk!!

Multiple Soulmates...in a very non Big Love kinda way!

A friend once mentioned that it was totally corny/cliche to say you've met your soulmate or to specify your significant other as such-I thought, wow, guess she hasn't met him/her/them yet then. Never once have I questioned the existence of soulmates nor their purpose...I for one, have many soulmates and maybe my definition of them would better explain why: Kacey's soulmate(s): people who come into my life to assist my soul in its evolution. Specifically, people who make me better--better at loving, better at living, better at being human. I never imagined that I'd have to travel this journey alone, and when those times came that I felt as much, I was usually leaving my soulmates out of the picture--whether I believed it was for their own good or mine. Your soulmates are drawn to you-they feel an almost magnetic pull to your being. And seldom are we able to really escape them, despite our best efforts. :) For example, those of you who've lived the past few decades under a rock somewhere, may not be aware that I have four younger sisters. All very different people-and despite the diversity, they are all so dynamic and pronounced; wouldn't call any of them a shrinking violet, if you know what I mean. They are amazing. We are so connected to one another, its almost eery. When one of us feels pain, the others feel the suffering right along with them. We'd do anything to keep each other safe and secure. Its as if part of their life force is connected with mine. They are 4 of my soulmates...they make me think harder than I want to; be more generous than I'd think to; push me to be a better sister and auntie than I ever knew to. PS-We don't always get along, in fact, there are times we want to smack eachother, but the underlying need to be everpresent in the others lives, well that's always there.

My husband and I have known eachother since grade school. We dated for 2 years in high school and then again in our early 20s. We broke up for a couple of years to "grow up" (Matt) and "regroup" (me). Whenever we were apart, there was a longing in both of our hearts to be together. He admitted this to me years later-we'd be happily dating other people, but there was this undying desire to run out and see eachother--and although we never cheated on the others we were dating, we really felt this connection we couldn't quite rid from our hearts...trust me, I tried! We'd pass eachother on the streets, miraculously park near one another not knowing we'd be at the same place at the same time, yada yada. Then, one day, we stopped trying to avoid the feelings that we'd surpressed for years and gave in to destiny. He and I are very different creatures-Matt is not a conversationalist and manages to say everything he needs to in a 10 minute phone call home...whether he's been at work for 24 hours or 5 days. And as for myself...well, I'll chat with anyone about anything at any given time. :) We have very different political views...just call us "The Governator" and Maria Shriver. He can't wait to mow the lawn and I can't wait to read a book. We are very different...but the core values, the truest essence of who we are, well, that's exactly the same. We may "live" differently for our family, but we "live" for them all the same. I show my unwavering support and devotion to him much differently than he's capable of showing me...both ways, once I realized it, were equally endearing. Once, I told Matt that I loved him more than he could ever love me...I don't think I've ever seen him so angry-I was completely at fault and possibly more blind than I admitted. He does love me as much as I love him...he just shows me differently...I can't fault him for that...he isn't me! I'm a lover. I can't help it. :) Regardless, here we are, two very different beings, who care for one another the best we know how, hopelessly in love! And we were meant to...meant to drive eachother crazy at times-learning how to compromise and resolve ego. We're learning to quiet ourselves when what we want most is to yell our opinions in eachother's face-learning to listen. We're learning that our own personal "way" of doing things, isn't the "only" way-learning reason and understanding. We're learning to overcome judgment, overcome anger, overcome personal want for familial gain, learning to share, learning to dismiss the insignificant...always learning! Of course, there is the base that its all built upon...that need for one another...that love that wouldn't die even when we attempted to force it and has only grown stronger with time...those babies we managed to create; the closest thing to Heaven on Earth that we'll ever experience! We are so different, yet drawn to eachother so powerfully, answering eachother's unspoken thoughts, that it sometimes seems mystical. Soulmates!

My best friends also share the "soulmate" status. I do not claim to have hundreds of friends (despite what my 'Facebook' tally says)...just a few I can't live without. One, I've known for all but 2 months of my entire life...my cousin, Erika. She and I share a bond that is timeless. We love eachother very much, and again, although very different beings, share such an unspoken bond-I think of her as my 5th sister. I have so much admiration and adoration for her-my heart just knows that she was meant to be in my life...and thereafter. I have two more friends that defy everything: we are SO different. But despite those difference, we share something that so pure and beautiful...a love for one another! We truly love each other. We disagree (often). We live very different lives...one thrives amongst the corporate world; one in the civil sector; as for myself, I am just corporately civil. :) I have so much respect for them, they have no idea. Through thick and thin, we have been there for eachother...almost as if we couldn't allow the other to endure their pain alone. We don't always agree, in fact, much like sisters, we tease and taunt eachother and banter like family. We celebrate eachother's achievments and encourage one another when we fail. We make no apologies for our honest opinions but remind eachother that no matter the differences in personal thoughts, and no matter the reason behind it, we will always support the other...we have no choice. Our love for eachother has also gotten stronger and more secure...you only discover that this type of love between friends exists, when you've been faced with a few things-loss, distance and time! If you can make it through all of those things and find yourself closer than ever, well, that's the truest kind of friendship-everlasting!

As for my children, well, that goes without saying...anyone that tiny capable of making you believe in love at first sight...soulmates! I've never learned more in my entire existence as I have in the past 5 1/2 years as a mother...the best, most challenging, most satisfying job I've ever had or ever will have!

You may say, well, those aren't soulmates...they're just people who happen to be in your life that you love. And you're right-they are. But each one of them, whether its my husband, sisters, friends, cousin,children etc., have given me the greatest reason to call them something more...because they are something more...they have given me something more...they've allowed me to become something more...they always leave me wanting and needing to be more...they remind me that I will always be something more to them...always more! They were meant to be in my life for one reason or another-I am grateful for the challenges they present me, the faith they instill in me, the love that only seems to grow, the me they believe I can be before I ever realize it myself.

Thank you God for my soulmates...and I don't think its cliche at all! :)

Faith disguised...or is it?!

I've been visited by many missionaries lately. Not sure if its their message I'm supposed to hear or if its mine they are to receive? Regardless, I never miss an opportunity to spread what I feel is deep within my heart-my faith!

As I've stated many times, I am NOT a religious person. I do not attend any designated church on a weekly basis and I do not to subscribe to many of the dogmas so many cling to and expect as much from their parishoners. But, I am VERY spiritual. And there is a difference. I believe that there is one true and all-loving God. In fact, there's probably a Father...and a Mother God (and no I do not mean Mary, mother of Jesus). "Made in His own likeness...??" What about the XX carrying humans?-there are some definite differences between the two sexes. When I pray I do so to both--Father, the all-loving, all-knowing, creator of all that exists. And to Mother God, the warrior, the passionate one, the one who fights for us. About now, you're thinking, 'wow, she's whackier than I thought!' And believe me, that rationale, did not come to me overnight-the thought that there'd be a possiblity that there was a Mother and Father God. Let's just say that I do a lot of reading and consquently, a lot of research. :)

Regardless, when these missionaries, all well-meaning, attempt to better verse me in the Word of God, I noticably cringe. I've asked these visitors so many questions about "their" religion and generally, they are able to give me a straight, honest answer. We begin to chat about any other organized religion, their eyes gloss over and they are confused-one, why would I be asking a Mormon missionary about the Islamic religion and two, and this comes from my husband's mouth, why do I take the time? First, I feel like we assume certain identities because its expected of us-not that there's anything wrong with the Mormon religion, I have many wonderful friends who are. But that we are expected to believe certain things because those before us did as such. And another, I think we 'believe' out of fear-fear that if we don't subscribe to the same ideology, we are Hellbound. Unfortunately, many of us lead lives that are "safe" and familiar-not what we really want or possibly even need, but what we are satisfied with. My God, ps, He's yours too, is all-loving-He knows that we are all on a journey here in life to learn, grow, experience, and love for Him/Her. God knows that we will occasionally fail and disappoint, maybe more often than not. God knows we'll say things we don't mean and maybe say a few things just as horrible that we actually do. I do not fear God-I just want to make Him/Her proud that He/She created me, trusted in me, believed that I would be a human being who was worth creating. I believe we are all here for that very reason. What we do with the years we have here on Earth, well, that's our free will at work-we can choose to be productive, interesting, loving, balanced (up for interpretation) human beings or, we can be total dirt bags who drag down not only society, but humankind. Its all a journey and no one ever said any two paths were going to look exactly alike. I enjoy reading about all religions-I think all of them have the right idea (the God-loving ones anyhow, not you whacky Satanists)-and I think I have alot to learn from all of them. But when I say to a missionary that "the Islamic religion is one of the most loving and God-fearing religions" and they look at me like I'm crazy and interrupt with, "but they are ALL terrorists who just want to avenge their God through violence" I just shake my head and feel sadness for these poor souls. Hmmm...actually, those would be fundamentalists and as a Mormon, you should know that you have a few of those yourself! In fact, all religions do. And that's all I needed them to hear-your religion is just as susceptible to "crazies" as any other. We're all so concerned with being "right" and that drives me nuts.

I once told someone who approached me about joining their church that I would feel no closer to God under that roof than I do watching my babies sleep or running six miles around my city at dawn. God is everywhere and if you tell me the only place I can find Him/Her is under your roof, well, I've got news for you...you're the one who needs to search a little more for God; He's everywhere!! I appreciate local churches for the fellowship they provide and the likeness the congregation has-but its not the only place to find God. Generally, you don't have to look very far, just open your eyes, and there He is. Faith is what you need it to be. Faith is different for every single human being and maybe we should start accepting that. There's that common denominator...GOD, and we're all trying to get back to Him, but isn't okay that in the meantime, we just be good to one another? Isn't okay that I feel more comfortable approaching God in my backyard under a beautifully moonlit sky? It is.

Sick sick go away...

After 8 days of hacking, coughing, sneezing, snotting and not sleeping, one would assume that this illness that plagues me (maybe it is the plague) would have lessened in severity--nope! Just migrating from points of interest, wherever it wants to. I've been to urgent care 2x now (since primary physician cannot possibly squeeze me into his busy sched.). Of course two visits require two different diagnosis. First, it was declared to be a viral infection and I was given two types of meds. Well, 5 days pass and still not better, in fact, worse. So I attempt urgent care again yesterday and the dr. replies, "oh no, you don't have a viral infection, you have a very severe sinus infection and it sounds like its also moving into your chest." Duh-and can I have my $20 copay back from last week?! Two visits, $100, 3 boxes of tissue later...still feel like hammered dog poo! Here's to a night hopefully filled with sweet dreams and not hacking my brains out. :(