Should I stay or should I Go???

Just recently, I registered my daughter for kindergarten. This is pretty monumental for the Goyette foursome. Interpretation: both kiddos will be in elementary school next year. No more preschool-school 5 days/week for BOTH children. And although it is a bittersweet reminder that our children are growing and no longer babies, it is amazing to watch them become actual "little people."

Gratefully, I have been privledged to stay at home with these 2 incredible humans and guide them to this pivotal moment. My husband and I decided when I was first pregnant with our son, that I would stay home and be the primary caregiver (i.e. no daycare or nanny services). With Matt's job, there's always the possibility that he will be away from the home for days at a time--and in the past, weeks (i.e. bomb school in AL. for 6 wks). I'm not saying that "firewives" can't work due to their husbands' schedules, I am saying that we knew I wouldn't. I would essentially be working to fund our children's daycare fees and that made no sense to us. Did we sacrifice as a single-income family? Well yeah! But, we always made it work to the best of our ability. We sold our boat to buy me a reliable vehicle and have not purchased one since. We've focused on remodelling our home for the past 7 years instead of taking swanky vacations (although we snuck a couple in there for good measure). We pay our bills ontime, rarely make outrageous purchases (unless we've budgeted and saved), we do not over shop or overly induldge in anything, really. Still, we've led a wonderfully comfortable life as a single-income family with occasional "treats." My husband has worked as a fireman going on 10 1/2 years-he is incredibly dedicated and hardworking. He continues to amaze me in all of the advances he makes, not only in his career, but personally as well.

Having said all of that, we are now at what one could call, the fork in the road. Very soon, BOTH of my children will be in school full-time (2011-2012 school year). For whatever reason, this has become a topic of conversation for many people-more than I'd ever expected because really, who cares beyond my husband and myself? Apparantly, quite a few people. "So Kacey, Delanie's going into school next year...when are you going back to work?" I had no idea so many people were so interested because seriously, about 20 people have asked this EXACT question! Weird. Finally after person #18 asked, I decided to question my husband on the subject. We'd never really discussed it so we found it bizarre that so many people were interested. "Do you think I should go back to work once both of the kids are in school full-time?" Matt's response, "do you want to?" Me, "I really haven't thought that much about it, to be quite honest. I've been so busy with the kids and well, NOT dying of cancer!" He laughed. He started to wonder why so many other people were "concerned" about my future career prospects--I didn't have a valid answer. He finally said, "Babe, I want you to do what's going to make you happy. We've never lived on two incomes so it is not like we feel like we've been suffering for you to stay-at-home with the kids. Don't go back to work if YOU really don't want to. Only go back if it is what you always pictured yourself doing...if it makes you truly happy." Wow! Now that was a great answer. I had felt, for lack of a better term, pressure, from all of those other "people" to have the next chapter of my life planned out for all to view. And here it was, from the person whose opinion mattered most, that all he wanted was for me to be happy and fulfilled.

After that conversation with Matt, I started to piece everything together. Why did others care so much about what I chose to do with all of my days once the kids were in school full-time?? Why did I have to answer to them? Why did the inquistions bother me so much? And I think I've figured it out. What bothers me most about the questioning is NOT the fact that they asked, but the way they were asking--as if the moment my kids were in school full-time I'd be doing nothing productive with my days. No kids to run after for 8 hours, they'd be running amuck on the blacktop. No midday lunch to make, they'd be in a cafeteria. Were they so concerned that from 8am-3pm that I'd literally sit on my ass and do nothing?? While that would certainly be a concern for my husband, it really made no sense that anyone else cared. And, if I chose to NEVER go back to work, would these same people assume my life was wasted? That I never did anything "productive" with the years I'd been given on this Earth? Hmm. It really started to bother me. But why? Why do I care what these people think? Here's why--I am one of the busiest people I know, working or not! My day starts at 6am and ends no sooner than 11pm. I make 3 square, healthy meals/day. I am in my laundry room no less than 4 days/week. I volunteer at BOTH of my children's schools every single week. Throw in there, homework, baths, pets, library, checkbooks, groceries, drs./dentist appointments, workouts, house cleaning, lawn work, ballet/tap, recitals, playtime/naptime/bedtime...oh yeah and the occasional bout with CANCER, cannot forget that one. ;) Really, my days come and go by so quickly that I can barely keep up. Will this change once my kids are in school full-time, well yeah. But I don't think I'll be bored--I will have just as much to do and probably more. As the kids grow in size, so will their activities. I will be volunteering more of my time to the school and potentially, charitable services as well. Is this a waste of my years here on Earth? I don't happen to think so, but I am fairly sure, others do. And now that I've put everything into perspective and was given insight into the one opinion that mattered most (other than my own), I am pretty content with the decision that stands for now...that I will continue to be a stay-at-home parent because really, nothing fulfills me more than being just that. And in later years, should I choose to return to the grind of the workforce, so be it. But still, at the end of my days, should I choose to never receive another paycheck, I will know in my heart of hearts, that my life was a success. Not because of the $$ I did or didn't make--pretty sure God doesn't ask for W2's. I was not just a loving, devoted wife and mother...but I was a loving and devoted human!