Matt and I will celebrate our 8 year wedding anniversary this August 16. 2011 also marks Matt's 9th anniversary with Ontario Fire Department and 11th as fireman in general. I look at these milestones and wonder how it is that so much time has passed? Was it that we just weren't paying that much attention...that it didn't matter to us...or, that we've just had so much fun that the dates simply didn't matter--I dare say it's the latter. :) It is amazing to us that we have a kindergartner and a 1st grader. It is amazing to us that in a month, we will have owned our home here in Rancho Cucamonga for 8 years. It is amazing to us that we've come so far, seen so much and personally conquored more than most will in a lifetime.
I am perpetually proud of Matt. He embodies so many incredible qualities. He is the poster boy for hardworking, dedicated, enthusiastic and proud firefighters. He is constantly reinventing himself and discovering avenues of his career that help him evolve into who he was meant to be. Any onlooking individual would see him the same way, not just the proudest of wives. ;) Matt has made it through paramedic and bomb school BOTH while maintaining a fulltime job AND a family. I'm not saying it was a walk in the park, because it was quite the trial in our lives...but he did it...or more aptly, WE did it!
Unless you are single, no firefighter makes it through all of their probations, testing, training, schooling, etc. on their own. The public sees those incredibly attractive men (and women) in their uniforms and turnouts on calls or at the grocery store getting their dinner for the night and you have the utmost respect and reverence for them--and you should; they are amazing! If recent news of the loss of a LAFD fireman on-duty doesn't remind you of the sacrifice these heroes are willing to make for the public, then nothing will. This is our reality as a fire family. We know that each call these men and women get could be their last. We know that at any moment, it is our phone that could ring with tragic news. It is our worst fear, but a very real perspective. And although we know this is always a possibility, we camoflouge it with a massive amount of pride and joy! Very few people in their lifetime, no matter how long or short that may be, are able to say that they absolutely LOVE their jobs like firefighters do! And as a firewife...that's what I hold so near and dear to my heart! I have the love of a man who dedicates so much of himself to perfect strangers. He is the one who will come to save you from a heart attack at 2:30 in the morning while the rest of the world sleeps soundly in their beds. He is the one who will protect your family's most precious personal belongings when your house goes up in flames. He is the one who will do everything in his power to cut you out of your vehicle after you've been hit by someone on the freeway and get you to safety. He is the one who teaches your child how to "stop, drop & roll" should their clothes ever catch fire. He is also the one will diffuse a bomb if some whacko decides to make one and put you in harms way (yes, he's a bomb tech, too). He's not just the hot fireman you see at the store...he's my hot fireman that is willing to give you, a perfect stranger, the breath that gives him life! I truly hope the public understands the sacrifice these men and women are willing to make, much like police officers and the military~it is so much easier to merely see the uniforms and not the real people who wear them.
What you're also unaware of when you see those firefighters doing what they do best...is that they generally have a family at home. A home that doesn't see them for much of the year, mind you. A Cal King bed that for half of the year, only sleeps a single body. A dinner table that is often one plate shy; a birthday party that is missing one guest; a Christmas spent with his/her fire family and not their own. When the public thinks about the sacrifices these servants make, it tends to only be in the face of crisis or tragedy...not the everyday, mundane life we continue to lead while they protect their communities. And I have been asked many times in my married life, "how do you do it so often on your own?" And it is always the same asnwer..."because that is MY job-I am the one who has to keep my family's life working even if my husband is out saving yours." You never know about the time my children sacrificed to allow their Daddy the opportunity to attend paramedic school AND work fulltime for an entire year--you have no idea that we only saw him a few days a month between classes and the department. All you know is that when you called 911, Matt came and was skillfully able to start on IV in your arm and get you to the nearest hospital. You have no idea how, when or where he learned this information...you're just grateful that he does. :) When you see Matt (insert any bomb tech here) in the newspapers manning the robot to study a suspect package, you think "Cool." The wife thinks, "holy crap, what if that would have gone off and blown his arm to bits?!" You don't need to think about the 6 weeks he was in Alabama a mere month after my dad died to attend bomb school--but as his family, we did. We were left here to pick up the pieces so that he could pursue yet another facet of his career--and we did it with pride. Sure I had moments where I had to lock myself in my bedroom and cry my eyes out. Sure there were times where my patience were worn so thin I had to walk away. Sure there are still so many times where I am left to be a single parent and raise these two beings to be productive members of society. And still, taking all of this into consideration...I wouldn't have it any other way!
Thankfully, my husband wants nothing to do with Faceyspace or my ridiculous rant of a blog. I'm sure someone will rat on me and mention that I've written this about him--yes, he will want me to delete it because he is humble about his job and the things he's accomplished. He doesn't see it the way I do...he's just doing the job he loves. And I am just writing and explaining a side of the "job he loves" to people who may not understand. My husband is not just your hero, he's ours too! He was the most intrical part of my surviving cancer--he was not only my biggest cheerleader...he was my nurse, my confidante, my advocate, my best friend...my lover! He never once made me feel like an obligation and always maintained that I was his highest priority. He saved me from what could have been a personal and emotional tragedy. He never made me feel alone in my journey with cancer--we talked and shared more than we ever have. He even took a month off of work to care for me and the kids. I never would have made it through as strong or as positively as I did without Matt.
There is nothing quite like this life--you may not understand it or even agree with it. Perhaps you couldn't fathom being without your spouse for nights, weeks on end. Perhaps the thought of celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, vacations (yes, the kids and I have vacationed without Matt) sans your loved one is intolerable. But who is going to do it? When you call 911 on Christmas Eve, you expect firefighters to come to your rescue, regardless of the date. And they do...always! When all is said and done, Matt will live at least 10 full years of his life away from his own family protecting yours! He has missed out on his children's 1st steps; he has missed trips to the emergency room with our son when he was having a croup episode; he has missed kissing me on several of our anniversaries; he has missed holidays where there's been only one Santa, one Easter Bunny; he's missed so much and has had to live vicariously through my phone calls and picture messages. And STILL...we are grateful! We don't live a life of lavish or luxury because of his job. We live a life of pride and gratitude. Thank you to all of our public servants willing to sacrifice so much of themselves to our communities~you definitely do not hear it enough...but we are blessed to have all of you! And the greatest "thank you" to my own hero who wakes up each day and even after so many years, is still willing to save your life by sacrificing his own!! I love you, Matthew!!
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